26 May 2013

Your love was skinny

       "I would have given my life just to see that you are ok, that you finally after such battles, you found your way, that you are alive, that you can walk again. I would have scared away all your demons and would have made your dark past fade away. I would have done anything for you, for your happiness....I would have protect you just to see your beauty. 

But what did you understand in the end? What are you after all? 

       If I would have know what would heal your soul and make you sparkle I would have done it to make you better, to see that your heart is in peace, that you finally can let it go and can shine. Your healing was my goal. In you I had my trust and I have never let my guard down because I knew that you are lost, you need support, you need someone to be there for you that case and loves you.

       I was there! Always! No matter what! But you couldn't just stay away and be there too as I was for you. You had to crush me down, you had to put that weight on my soul, tight stones to my legs and cut my wings to make me stay and make my dreams fade away.

       You don't know what you did...You don't know that those weight's will hunt me for a lifetime and so much more. You don't know that wings are not growing back, you don't know that scares are not healing, you don't know that you can't erase memories, you don't know that you can't put a smile on my face anymore, you don't know that you teared my soul apart leaving me naked, vulnerable and alone. You don't know what you did, but I know that I have to stop...It tears me apart and crushes my soul to pieces but I won't and I can't follow you anymore. Not anymore. I'm left out of hope, I lost all my dreams and I have to go on my way. You will never understand and you will never get it.  

       Words are to poor to describe all this. Your skinny love broke me and I can't live like thisI might not be healed, I might not be able to fly anymore, I might be broken forever, but my love was not "sick", my love was not broken. It was for you and only God knows what is hiding in this broken heart of mine. 
       I am sorry for not being good enough. I am sorry that my love was never enough.  I am sorry that I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry that I couldn't erase your darkness, make it go away and make you smile, truly smile. I am sorry that I wasn't enough.

      I am sorry...


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