20 January 2013

Thank you...

How funny is this life… If 3 years ago somebody would have told me that I’ll realize so many things and what I was planning and dreaming for would be lost forever, I would have laugh in his/her face. I fell in love and loved like crazy, like never before, I lost very close friends, people that were close to my heart and  I cared for a lot, then I fell in love again amazingly and believing  again, even if there was an “what if..?”.And I lost again….I had to move, needed a have a fresh start, to start over again, have my life in order.

Day by day I see so many people having these have rocks on their heart, struggling to understand, to breathe, to live, to be happy. Some of us run after answers that maybe we will never have and we are stuck between the present and the past. It is so funny, more ironic I guess.
I know how hard it is to move on, look for something else, follow your path, but honestly we have no other choice just to look ahead and be brave, believe and have faith.  We complicate life in general… usually. Things are simple. Either is black either is white. I guess that we are just too afraid to admit it and make a decision.  Now I understand so many things that happened the past years and I see things with different eyes. Probably we all do. I guess that I know what I have to do. Hmm…I guess I always knew it deep down, maybe I just wanted to have what everyone has, a loving boyfriend, friends, to be loved, get married, have a house, kids and get old. But not all of us have to take the same steps in life. Today, in our society, if you are more then 26 and you are not engaged, married or having somebody means that something is wrong and people, friends, family start to ask questions, put pressure and so on. Honestly it is hilarious indeed. There’s no rule for this, people. Each one of us has their own way that we need to walk on. And I feel sad that especially the people that are close do not understand it. But let’s get back on what I was talking about in the first place.
              I’m in peace now. I am. And is a peace that no one can take ever away because someone always held my hand and will never let me go…and never did. I looked back in the past. And every single time when I went to a rough and very hard time and I felt lost and without any hope in some way someone was sent to be there. When I was a volunteer at New Horizons Foundation there was Andra Vasilescu, Vali and Mona Popescu, Teo si Richi, Eric Copeland, Andra Suciu, Silvia Fagaras, Andreea Moraru, Mihai Szigyarto, Andrei Vartic, Ovidiu Popovici and so many more, and then in 2005 was an excruciating year for me and there was Alex Moldovan. When I thought that my world crushed and ended, being left alone, broken hearted, lost…there was Boti, Haris. I stood up again.
But lately as I moved to another city I got used to the fact that I am alone, on my own and I have to deal with things and that’s it. With no parents, sister or friends…This feeling is a feeling that I am really glad and thankful that I have because I am on my own and I can make it, still. But even having this feeling I had a few issues and had some trouble dialing with them. And without even thinking of the fact that I need help or a hand or something to make it Vali came. I met Vali.  And you will never know how much your gesture meant for me. No one ever did what you did for me even if I know you know me for a very short time and even if was just a “happy” chocolate and you being there.  I did that to those who were close to my heart and needed someone to just be there, but no one ever did that for me. I have no words to describe how much I appreciate it and how speechless you left me even now and I guess for a long time from now on. So what I can say is a simple “Thank you” and all my respect and appreciation.

                I can’t say I am a religious person who reads every day the Bible and pray every day, but now I know for sure that up there is someone who will never let go of my hand and be there for me no matter what happens, no matter how hard will be, no matter how lost will I be. He will hold my hand forever. I always felt that but in some way I always felt that I need just one more confirmation, just one more to believe it. But I don’t need it anymore. I have it. We should never forget that nothing happens without a reason. We might not know the reason and maybe never find out, but there is always a reason.

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