Self Ish

I look around and see ...I see so many simple things surrounding us. Day in and day out. Nights...over and over again and again. But why? I wonder, why? ...Then why are we still running all day long,  maybe a lifetime, on and on and maybe not being so lucky to get that one thing that you are running after,  all along the way. 

I love to just stay on a bench and observe people that walk by. It is hilarious how we "become" somebody else during the day and at night when we are just with the silence of the night and we can get our mask off.  And we feel empty and alone ....

 It happened to me to see  and  meet so many people, that were having this, as lots of us like to say "a great life". A great car, the newest phone on the market, a great house and an even greater bank account. Traveling around the world and have everything that you want. Or people that, as we like to call them, "great, cool". Those kind of people that can do anything what so ever not even thinking of what might happen to the one next to them. they just "walk" their way. 

So what happens when you are off without your "mask" and you realize or you see that what you have, what you are is not what the world sees. Hmm because you are to afraid to be seen without your "mask". Because it is easier to crush everything that you touch just to have more, just to be more, bigger in peoples eyes when you go upon that stage and you have your speech. 

Why is that making you even feel great? How can you even sleep or to live with that? I am wondering because I am just to naive to crush somebody's "wings". Why? Why are we selfish? Why can we just be ourselves? Why can we be as we want to be? As we truly are? 

I am wondering about this for years now and maybe I will understand it one day but I am not there. At least not yet. One of my friends said once that there is no such thing as people who think first of others and then of themselves. And my straight answer was "I am".  And she continued to say that well, yes, but at one point we still think of ourselves. And again my answer was "I am". Maybe it sounds stupid and you say " Yeah right, sure, you are the exception". I am not trying to say that. This is not my point here. I'm just saying that I would love to meet more people that are like this, who thinks first of the one that is right there sitting next to him/her on a bus, or just staying in a queue. Not just be like a predator fighting for survival. Because we are not animals. We are humans.And if we can't be like one, that I guess we should get a seat in the first row in some of the jungles that are near by. 

There was  a time when I was just myself and nothing else. More or less. And if I look back at my life I am honestly proud that by night when I get in my bed I don't have to get my mask off because I am the way I am and it is simple as that. If I will want to wear one day a mask it will be most probably in Venice :)

If you want to be loved stop massing up others cause you are lost. Have patience. You will find eventually your way. Fucking up other's lives is not gonna make yours better. Remember, what goes around comes around and karma is a bitch so stop acting ( if you are so into it then go be an actress/ actor will have more benefits that way). 

We all want the same things in life. We all want to be happy, be loved, find the one, find our way, live the story of our lives but how could we? When deep inside we are selfish, even with our sister, parents and so on... This world need people with a great heart and soul to make the world shine, to be better. 

You are my reason

.....so many things happened for the last month's and I fell blessed and the luckiest girl. I have so much to say, to show..but all that I can say is...

See

Here I am staring at you perfection

In my arms, so beautiful

The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out

Somebody slows it down and makes her feel alive,

Makes her feel like she’s the one

Makes her want to live 1000 years and so much more from now

His smile brightens up her cloudy days scaring the demons away

Covering her with love and magic

He is her perfection and they are a blessing.

Your love was skinny

       "I would have given my life just to see that you are ok, that you finally after such battles, you found your way, that you are alive, that you can walk again. I would have scared away all your demons and would have made your dark past fade away. I would have done anything for you, for your happiness....I would have protect you just to see your beauty. 

But what did you understand in the end? What are you after all? 

       If I would have know what would heal your soul and make you sparkle I would have done it to make you better, to see that your heart is in peace, that you finally can let it go and can shine. Your healing was my goal. In you I had my trust and I have never let my guard down because I knew that you are lost, you need support, you need someone to be there for you that case and loves you.

       I was there! Always! No matter what! But you couldn't just stay away and be there too as I was for you. You had to crush me down, you had to put that weight on my soul, tight stones to my legs and cut my wings to make me stay and make my dreams fade away.

       You don't know what you did...You don't know that those weight's will hunt me for a lifetime and so much more. You don't know that wings are not growing back, you don't know that scares are not healing, you don't know that you can't erase memories, you don't know that you can't put a smile on my face anymore, you don't know that you teared my soul apart leaving me naked, vulnerable and alone. You don't know what you did, but I know that I have to stop...It tears me apart and crushes my soul to pieces but I won't and I can't follow you anymore. Not anymore. I'm left out of hope, I lost all my dreams and I have to go on my way. You will never understand and you will never get it.  

       Words are to poor to describe all this. Your skinny love broke me and I can't live like this.  I might not be healed, I might not be able to fly anymore, I might be broken forever, but my love was not "sick", my love was not broken. It was for you and only God knows what is hiding in this broken heart of mine. 

       

       I am sorry for not being good enough. I am sorry that my love was never enough.  I am sorry that I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry that I couldn't erase your darkness, make it go away and make you smile, truly smile. I am sorry that I wasn't enough.

      I am sorry...



 

Regret, no...

      "I am grateful for everything that happened for the last weeks. I am so happy and in peace. If tomorrow will be my last day I would have only one regret...that I didn't have you sooner. That you didn't holed my hand sooner, that you didn't hug me before, that we didn't do all the things that we did sooner....that I didn't walk on the path that was given to me to walk on to be with you and I stray minutes, hours, days on wrong muddy and heavy path's, not being patient to wait what was meant to be. 

       No words or actions could describe what is going inside. Only me and God knows it. Wish every each and one of you would see, feel through my eyes just for 5 minutes and then you all will realize what am I talking about or what I was trying to say all the way, at every conference that I went, every time that I was a trainer, facilitator, your friend or just a person on which shoulder you can cry on, or that stranger that smiled back at you when you stepped with your muddy shoes on her brand new clean shoe, or just spit a glass of bear on my clothes, or when she holed your hand when no one else did and no one else wanted to. Then you....you will know how I see you, how I see the world, what I see in people, what I am hiding inside and just trying to make you see, feel, be. 

       But still I would have one regret ... that I didn't have us before, sooner, that I didn't say I love you when I felt it...but still I.... I will be grateful that we are the way we are, that we have the most precious thing that somebody could ever have: us. We are pure like water and strong like a rock. You know love,...the best part of all this is that we didn't break anyone's heart to be together, that we didn't planed it, that we did no harm to anyone,  that we were exactly the way we are. 

        There were always people asking me if I would have one wish to ask for that will become true what would that be and I had so many wishes that I never could give an answer. But know I have the answer: I would like everyone to feel and see how we do. 

Everything turned around and  you put tears of happiness on my face. We are beauty, we are perfection, we are true and so much more...and these are just our first steps...God knows what we can do more. 

So until now, I just simply want to thank you because you are who you are and the way you are and no matter what you hold my hand. 

                                                                                                                Yours....

Leaving behind

With tears in her eyes, she leaves behind

Gathering together the sweet memories from inside

She walks away, knowing she'll come back one day

She walks away closing a chapter of her life, wondering if she will ever be alright.

She believed, she hoped, she fought and she wrote...

She wrote the story of her life so simple,but so bright

Days will turn to nights and nights to days 

Making her feel like she has no place where else to stay

Torn apart and numb she walks away

Leaving behind her sweet memories from inside.

Let it be

My eyes are full of tears

But my heart it's full of hopes and dreams

You brought the sunlight on my dark streets

Let us be brave and fall in love every day and tell the world our fairytale

Simply just you

You broth me to life and put faith in my heart

Wiped my tears away and took me by the hand

Wishing to walk beside me for an eternity and so much more than that

There are no words to describe what we are becoming

Nothing can compare to this bound of such perfection

Thousands of questions are hunting me down

Making me have the third World War with my subconscious all around

But you…you just make it perfect, you make it right

Like there’s nothing that is better that worth fighting for

I’m not your girl, I’m your soul,

You don’t love me, you adore me

And you, you are not my man,

You are my life that I want to have as much I have left to live.

Love is you

She was there, lying down full of dust and numb

Her wings were broken and her heart was crushed

She lost her way, faith, hope and all that she was

She was resigned and just lived from a day to another asking for nothing

Every morning she was putting her make-up on

Painting a smile on her face, but her eyes...her eyes were telling a different story

He saw this angel lying there, full of dirt with her dud’s clothes and broken wings

He picks her up, covers her with his warm coat and she rests

As he looks at her, she starts to feel at home, protected and loved

As more he was looking at her, the more he was falling for her

As more he was falling for her, the more she was feeling alive again

He washed her heart and brushed her hair

He made her feel like she is magic again

He saw her…and nothing but her

He saw her beauty, her warm heart full of care

He saw her unlimited love, faith and trust in people

He saw the angel that she was

The angel that he was searching for a life time and thought that he will never find

They found each other and they fell in love like never before

They both felt alive, living the story of their life

They spread joy, hope, peace and faith as they were walking hand in hand

They fit like 2 puzzle pieces, breaking down every wrong thought that people had about love.

They were made for each other,

They were magic…perfection being such a small word for what they were together

And they will make a change in this world because you feel once in life such love,

A love from which you can learn.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.

What is in for you?

I am a little bit confused here my friends….Why if we all want the same thing, to love, be loved and be happy, we chase it like some cheetah an  antelope just to make her cubs survive another day? Why are we thirsty after affection, after love… Shouldn’t we suppose to follow our path and wait for it when is the right time? And no, do not even think to pop up the question: “Yeah, right…And from where do I know when is the right time, the right person and all that?”  

        You will know deep down. If you are patient, not some “cheetah” then you will know that next to you is or is not the right person. But as we are eager to find that someone most of us are just some “cheetah’s” chasing the preys down over and over again. We struggle in a relationship that is just not meant to be, we jump over some steps that are vital in the end, we enter in a relationship that we already know deep down that from the beginning, it will not work in the first place, we go out with people that are just hungry for our “flesh” like some animal that didn’t eat for weeks. And I could go on and on. The worst part is that we will be hurt, then we, at the same time hurt at least one more person. And for what? For a good night stand so that you can tell the guys the next day how you had her? For some stupid bet with friends? For the “list”, of cheeks that you “had” to be bigger and bigger or ( in a girls case) numbers of boyfriend that you had to make your friends and people around you see how desirable and good you are?

            For  what all this crap, people? Really… If we all want the same things, being so great people ( cause yeah we all think that we are so great, until we become selfish and start to think of ourselves first and the rest it just does not matter) then why on Earth we screw, mess somebody else up? Why? It is hilarious…just pathetic for sure. If only you could be human first and just simply put yourselves in  the other person’s  shoes  then you will see that what you are about to do, what you already did maybe WAS NOT  right.

I just ask you 2 things to try at least to do…at least try and I can assure you that you will feel good, you will see the World with different eyes.

         1. Stop running! Walk the way that was drawn for you to walk and be patient and then you will be no “murderers” of angels ….then you won’t harm/cut anybodies “wings”.

         2. When you are about to do something switch places and ask yourself “How would I feel if someone does/says that to me?

            Because at the end we have one life…just one and we all have the right to be loved, to love and be happy. So my friend, don’t be the one among those who breaks, be the one that is fixing  wings because if you look closer they are broken angels with a smile on their faces and a special sparkle in their eyes…

I miss...

I miss those times…those unforgettable times 

I miss your voice… that voice that whispers sweet joy

I miss your arms…those arms that embrace the soul and fill’s it up with hope

I miss your touch….that touch that felt like haven when the World was crushing down

I miss your smile…that smile that enlightens even the darkest sky

I miss your breath…that breath that can be felt on your skin when he holds you tight

I miss your eyes…those eyes that make you fly and feel alive

I miss your passion….that passion that was ours

I miss you love… that love that takes a lifetime to enjoy and some much more

That love that never passes…

I miss you…the ”old” you, but not you

I miss that love story that makes you feel butterflies like on the first dates

That love that washes all the pain away and makes you feel hopeless and ashamed when you lose it

That love that worth’s fighting for until the end

I miss that love that makes you smile even when you feel like crying

I miss that love that you wish you can live it too ....one day

I miss that….not this and not  you.

Thank you...

How funny is this life… If 3 years ago somebody would have told me that I’ll realize so many things and what I was planning and dreaming for would be lost forever, I would have laugh in his/her face. I fell in love and loved like crazy, like never before, I lost very close friends, people that were close to my heart and  I cared for a lot, then I fell in love again amazingly and believing  again, even if there was an “what if..?”.And I lost again….I had to move, needed a have a fresh start, to start over again, have my life in order.

Day by day I see so many people having these have rocks on their heart, struggling to understand, to breathe, to live, to be happy. Some of us run after answers that maybe we will never have and we are stuck between the present and the past. It is so funny, more ironic I guess.

I know how hard it is to move on, look for something else, follow your path, but honestly we have no other choice just to look ahead and be brave, believe and have faith.  We complicate life in general… usually. Things are simple. Either is black either is white. I guess that we are just too afraid to admit it and make a decision.  Now I understand so many things that happened the past years and I see things with different eyes. Probably we all do. I guess that I know what I have to do. Hmm…I guess I always knew it deep down, maybe I just wanted to have what everyone has, a loving boyfriend, friends, to be loved, get married, have a house, kids and get old. But not all of us have to take the same steps in life. Today, in our society, if you are more then 26 and you are not engaged, married or having somebody means that something is wrong and people, friends, family start to ask questions, put pressure and so on. Honestly it is hilarious indeed. There’s no rule for this, people. Each one of us has their own way that we need to walk on. And I feel sad that especially the people that are close do not understand it. But let’s get back on what I was talking about in the first place.

              

              I’m in peace now. I am. And is a peace that no one can take ever away because someone always held my hand and will never let me go…and never did. I looked back in the past. And every single time when I went to a rough and very hard time and I felt lost and without any hope in some way someone was sent to be there. When I was a volunteer at New Horizons Foundation there was Andra Vasilescu, Vali and Mona Popescu, Teo si Richi, Eric Copeland, Andra Suciu, Silvia Fagaras, Andreea Moraru, Mihai Szigyarto, Andrei Vartic, Ovidiu Popovici and so many more, and then in 2005 was an excruciating year for me and there was Alex Moldovan. When I thought that my world crushed and ended, being left alone, broken hearted, lost…there was Boti, Haris. I stood up again.

But lately as I moved to another city I got used to the fact that I am alone, on my own and I have to deal with things and that’s it. With no parents, sister or friends…This feeling is a feeling that I am really glad and thankful that I have because I am on my own and I can make it, still. But even having this feeling I had a few issues and had some trouble dialing with them. And without even thinking of the fact that I need help or a hand or something to make it Vali came. I met Vali.  And you will never know how much your gesture meant for me. No one ever did what you did for me even if I know you know me for a very short time and even if was just a “happy” chocolate and you being there.  I did that to those who were close to my heart and needed someone to just be there, but no one ever did that for me. I have no words to describe how much I appreciate it and how speechless you left me even now and I guess for a long time from now on. So what I can say is a simple “Thank you” and all my respect and appreciation.

                I can’t say I am a religious person who reads every day the Bible and pray every day, but now I know for sure that up there is someone who will never let go of my hand and be there for me no matter what happens, no matter how hard will be, no matter how lost will I be. He will hold my hand forever. I always felt that but in some way I always felt that I need just one more confirmation, just one more to believe it. But I don’t need it anymore. I have it. We should never forget that nothing happens without a reason. We might not know the reason and maybe never find out, but there is always a reason.

I

I'll be your best friend
I'll be your world, your everything...if I could.

Let me be
Let me dream, breath, smile...

Give "ME" back
Take your memories and never come back

You, shadow of my own misery
Leave my present and be my past
Be kind just once and let me be wrong
Cause I won't be your best friend no longer, not anymore.

I'll be a hopeless soul lost in this world instead,
Wondering around...
But you, you'll be on your king tron celebrating and not looking back.

You selfish, disgusting snail go and leave your prints on someone else's skirt,
Mine is pure and honest
I won't be your escape to make you relax

I won't be your best friend, your world, your everything
Not even your salvation or your protection
Angels are not walking among us anymore
But your mistakes might bight you some day or not.

...so please

" So please don't judge me

  And I won't judge you

  Cause it could get ugly

  Before it gets beautiful...

  Please don't judge me

  And I won't judge you

  And if you love me

  Then let it be beautiful..."

Let me...

Let me dream…

Let me breathe…

Let me be.

Be fair and true…and let me go, without you.

Darkness has crossed the streets and blocks, being chased by the Fall  

Leaving behind falling stars,

Stars that were diamonds of the night for a few seconds once

Seconds that seamed eternity.

Stop chasing my dreams, you fool!

Leave and disappear from my thoughts, my wishes and my all,

Take back those bittersweet moments

And let me dream, breathe and feel alive again.

Be kind just once and give back what you took away

Give back everything, leave and don’t come back

‘Cause you drained the life out of my bones and the soul out of my heart…

God, Bless me with the wings of an ANGEL and let me dream, breath and feel again.

What lightens you up?

           I always know what to say, in what to believe or hope for, what I want or what I am aiming for…but for a long time now, since I wrote on my blog for the last time,  I was thinking what to write about. Or at least how to write something that is just simple there inside and in a funny way, but sad at the same time, no one will ever understand and I don’t even want that. For those who know me… for me to get over something that just simply  pissed me off, or hurt me I have to talk, talk and talk over and over again about it.

There are thousands of reasons that put grey clouds on our sunny sky.

            So today on my way to work a question got into my head: „What brings sun in our dark and grey life? What brings joy and makes us smile no matter how hard life punches us in the face?” And rushing on my way to work to not to be late, I J  found so  many things around me that brought peace in my heart right away… without even to blink. What makes me smile, brings joy and peace no matter what? 

A beautiful sunrise, a full moon on a black stared sky, the innocence of a baby that walks hand in hand with her mom, a smile of a girl that is in love, my magical vanilla scrub that puts a smile on my face every single time that I use it and makes me go crazy:), people, a couple in love that hugs each other in a cold winter night, a good story, a great meal, a sexy skirt, a falling star, a kiss, a smile, a good perfume that refreshes my day,  spooning ( if you don't know what is that give a sign and I'll give you that details :d about it),  a day that without make-up I feel beautiful, pancakes, a long ride with the bike around Balaton, trips to London :d, having fun without any money, a great book, a handmade jewelry that turned out to be amazingly simple but beautiful, people that can put a smile on my face in my worst day, surprises and small gifts....and the list can continue.

            These are  a few things that went through my head. But what makes you smile, what bring joy in your heart when everything falls apart? What brings light and peace in your heart? 

Speachless

  There's no way that I could express all the feelings that I have inside....You can drag me through mud, pull me down with everything that you are, day in, day out, you can turn your back on me every time when you say that "I'm there for you", leave me with nothing. You can torn me into pieces and leave my numb and stunned with nothing to hope for, you can step on me and crush me like the bug that you step on by mistake on your way home, you can put endless tears to run for ever down on my face, but I will stand up every single time. I will stay on my feet, I will be strong, with more hope that this World can change....that you can change, that you still have beauty inside you, that you'll stop breaking peoples hearts, that you will realize one day what your actions are doing. That there's beauty and kindness inside you. That one day you will care, and care for real...you will care for the one's that are next to you.

Think twice when you want to say/do something, because your actions might break people...and there's no magic glue, whit which you can put them back together as they were before. You can never take back your words that cause a tragedy, you can't turn back time and fix what you messed up, you can't take them back, but you can do something to change, to make a change...to make it different this time.

 I wish you a kind heart, full with as much love as you can take, care, peace and empathy. Be beautiful and don't you forget...

What does a friendship, a friend mean to you, my dear reader?

Throughout the years I realized that people are just people at the end. They are selfish, mean, reckless and they play you when you need them more then ever. Hmm... I don't even know anymore what does a "friend" mean in our days. I don't even know if we, people, we really understand the meaning of the word "friendship". Do we? Do you?

I am just looking around me...I didn't bother myself to look in other peoples life, because otherwise  I would have to write a novel on this topic, not just a simple post. So, my dear, I am pretty sure that there was at least 1 time when you asked yourself this question. And if you say "No way.  Never happened to me." We both know, that you are just lying to yourself. But, what happens when you reach that point that " I'm sorry" does not help anymore? And what happens to you, little snake that turned around and bit one of your own? What happens to those that you've disappointed? What happens to you? Do you really think that an "I'm sorry" helps? Do you really believe that you will wash the pain, disappointment, anger away just like you wash off the dirt from your car or from your cloths and get back to your pink life?  Let me tell you something...you won't. Cause there is no excuse when you harm those that were there and were true friends to you no matter what.   Not a fake hug or a "love you" makes a friend to be a friend....   A friend is there for you when is hard, when you feel you can't walk anymore, when you feel no one understands you anymore, when you feel is the end of the World and the sky is falling down on you, when you are able to keep a secret.  That is what a friend means...and so much more.

Why do we not think twice when we do something? Why do we not think about the consequences first and after take action? Why is so freaking hard to think of the person that is next to us first and after think about us? At least for once in our life??? What is so hard?
Because people are people and they do not change. They adept, they finish their behavior, their habits, but they never change. They are like the fox in the woods, sneaky and slick.

But, never mind...you, so called "friend"...maybe there's nothing that will ease the pain and disappointment that you caused once, but at least you showed your face and we know how does that face look like. Hope that you will realize one day what you have done through the years. It is just sad...and I feel sorry for those who don't realize the results of their stupid, thoughtless and childish action. One day, life will turn to you and will put in front of you a mirror and you will have to look into it. You will see what you did and then you will understand what your actions have caused it. So, just think twice next time, so called "friend",  before you say or do something because you're unconsciousness may harm your friend maybe...

The World does not spin around you, my friend don't you forget that.

Does it worth it in the end?

When you believe that you are strong, things get better after all...

You realize that you are caught up between yourself ( you, the person that you are) and the rest of the World? What happens when, wherever you look you see so much beautiful things, but yet you realize that there's so much pain, sufferance and sadness that everything just falls apart and the beauty just gets crushed. What happens my friend, with those with a humble, carrying, good, honest heart, that you crush everyday with your ignorance and no respect? With you superiority and ignorant attitude that you have? What happens to those that pulled you out from your shit over and over again because you can't be responsible, manage your time in the right way, finish things in time and you don't even have the face to open your eyes and admit that you made a mistake, you don't have the balls to be right, you don't have the guts to stand up for just once.

We rush in life because we want to do so many things and we have so little time left and forget about the importance of small things, gestures, we don't have time. This is what we say " Sorry, I would really like to, but I'm  so busy and I will have to skip it" and then, we go home believing that we did so many things. Let me tell you something...you did indeed many things, but you forgot to be a simple human being. Between your important meetings from your busy agenda you forgot to be fair and right. But you know what is the saddest part? When you talk about the Lord and His Love, how much you believe in Him, how much you read the Bible, how much you thank God for everything that He is doing in your life and how is this the right way to go, fallow Jesus.

I'm not a priest or that person that reads 3 times a day the Bible, but I know that He is not selfish nor mean, He is not crushing anyone in His way to His own glory nor using anyone or anything to reach out the highest peak. He is not selfish. So at least have the dignity and just shut up because hearing these words coming out from these kind of peoples mouths, it just makes me throw up and wanting to tell you in the face how little you are. Hmm....it just makes me sad, that a person who talks and lives by His way is acting like this. Don't force things just for the sake of looking good in front of people. Don't forget that you don't have to have a degree to realize when somebody is fake....Pathetic rat, you make me sick.


I feel sorry for you...nothing more, nothing less. You say that "we are living in a crazy World, but at the end you are contributing to its craziness by giving an attitude to those that you can afford to. So, please, next time when you are going home, look in the mirror and think about the entire day, how and what did you do. You will be amazed what person will you discover. Shame on you....

You brought me back...

      For those who know me or read my blog, they know that the ways of life were not easy for me and I went through some "interesting" times. It is amazing how life turns 360 degrees around and you find happiness, hope and trust when you think that everything is lost. It is amazing how the path that you have to go, is put down in front of you when you feel the most lost person on Earth. It is amazing how, thanks to someone, or some event, or something that just happened randomly, suddenly everything makes sense, suddenly everything remainder's you of who you really are and like a new born, you can see the day light.

And now, my dear reader you are wondering what I'm talking about??? No, I did not go crazy, at least not for now, not yet :D It happened that this week, with no mood to work and socialize and these kind of things, happened that I met one of the greatest person. 

Did you ever wondered why certain things happened or are already happening? Did you ever wish to just disappear or just to turn to the next page of your life because the page that you are on, it sucks and you just want to just wipe the pain  away, because you did nothing wrong to deserve it, but still everything around you falls apart. But, when you reach that point that you are just numb, you can not be hurt anymore because you are drowned in your own pain and tears, you are, just to be and nothing matters anymore, something happens and suddenly you see things with different eyes. It happened this week to meet a very special person, a photographer,editor,cameraman and so much more : Marvin Orellana. He came together with Peter Clark to make a movie with one of our clients for training material and it happened to spend with them 2 days in Reghin. Honestly, when I found out on Tuesday, I was not so happy about it because I was just tired and I knew that it will take us the entire day to take those shootings and I wasn't in the mood, but I had to go to help in with the translation and as I can not be rude with people ( not talking and all that) because is just not in my nature, I gave in my best and I did everything to help in with the shooting, interview and all. And you know what? It turned out to be one of the best days of my life, for a very , long time. In these two days I have found myself...I realized so many things and yes my dear friend, thanks to you Marvin, I realized that the old me is there inside and was never gone. You might not realize everything that you've done, you might know just a part of my life and not know the entire picture...but you did such a simple but at the same time huge thing. "Small things make the difference" and we need the right persons sometimes next to u, eve if it is just for a very sort time, to make us remember who we really are. Despite everything that happened in the past months, when I thought that this is it, nothing is going to be ok anymore...I am happy! I'm happy even if things still fall apart around me, even if everything is grey and nothing seams to be working out, I am happy. I'm hurt, broken and sad, but I am happy inside. My heart is "smiling". I feel so much hope, faith and happiness in my heart that I'm about to sparkle like a bright light in the middle of a sad November. I wish I could have always beside me people like Marvin...

I remember when I was a volunteer at AIESEC and FNO I used to work with these great people that were having every single day an impact in somebody's life, thanks to their passion, hope, believe that things can be changed and someday the World would be different. No matter how hard was everything, we never stoped believing, hoping and fighting for what we believed in. Back then, I remember that I did not have an easy life either, but no matter how hard was everything and I had to fight for my beliefs, I was happy. I had this inner glow, this inner "power" that no one could take it away, no one could turn it off. And it wasn't because we were moving mountains or something like that...It was because of the people. Being there for someone when no one else was it meant the World to them. Seeing that change in peoples life day by day it was more than enough for us to keep doing what we were doing. Time was invested in these people, very much time, but the reward received from them was much more, all the hard work that was done, it worth it in the end. People broth light and so much happiness in my life. Because I believed, because I gave a chance to those to who no one else did. This is why I love to work with people. People are amazingly magical. They can brake and fix you. They can bring sparkles in your life. They are like fireworks. I can not describe the rewarding feeling that I got back, but I can say that it worth it!!! I don't regret not even 1 minute of all the things that I did for and with them, because I know that deep, somewhere in their hearts, the sparkle is there and I know that a change was made. 

So Marvin I really want to thank you for reminding of "the old me". Thank you for all those great memories that I will keep close. Thank you for all your jokes and little stories that were so funny. Thank you for simply being you. Thank you for all the fun that we had. It meant a lot to me. You opened my eyes. "I was lost, but I am found". I don't know if we will ever see each other ( though I hope that you'll keep your promise :P ) I thank you for everything that you've done in these two days, that you were here. You are an amazing person, don't you ever forget that!!! Wish I could write down everything that I feel inside so that you can understand and see...because for me it was important. No matter in which part of this World will we be...I will always remember you my dear friend, Marvin....